I don't know where to start. So much has happened since I last posted.

So much disappointment, happiness, unbelievable amounts of wacky.

I guess I should get the bad news out of the way first; I am no longer friends with my form 'best' friend. I went to her house after her ex boyfriend choked her, I went because I was worried, and I made her chicken noodle soup. We talked and laughed and had fun. Everything was fine. I left a few hours later to have dinner with a mutual friend of ours and left some of my stuff there.

While out to dinner I got a text message stating 'Please do not return to my house.' as well as 'I will give you your stuff back.' and 'I would not screw you over. You know this.'

When I got home and looked on Facebook I saw she had a status up saying that I was not mentally stable and that there was something wrong with a person who had full on conversations with themselves.

What had happened in the two hours I was gone?

She had gone into my facebook and read my personal messages.

One night while I was had her house her ex, that she had claimed not to have seen since he was arrested, turned up and she let him in. Even after saying that she didn't want to be with him he let me know that they have been seeing each other a lot. This is a man who held her hostage, killed their unborn baby, and got her daughter taken away from her. She knew all she had to do was call the police and yet she refused to do it. She wasn't scared of him at all, she just didn't want to deal with the police.

Later that night she ended up having sex with him.

So that part about me having conversations with myself? I was angry, so damn angry that she had lied to me all that time I sent a message, a ranting message, to my sock puppet account. One angry message.

She still hasn't given me my stuff back. I've been there 3 times and she won't open the door.

It's been just over three months and now I'm thinking of getting the police involved.

After accusing me of stealing $350 from her stillborns 'box' and it turned out to be her ex, I think it should have ended there. But I was foolish enough to forgive her. But not this time.

...................../

The happy? Two things :D

1) My friend has moved in with us for a couple of months until she moves to Melbourne in order to study. I met her at the start of this year, by start I mean May :P, at Neko Nation. She was dressed as a cat. She's amazing and funny. Even if it is just for a few months I'm glad to have her around <3

2) I had a best friend in Primary school who, at the age of 13, run away with her 22 year old boyfriend to Perth. They broke up, she went to Juvie, Women's Prison and lived on the streets for most of the time she was out. She was a hooker, a job she really enjoyed, and made a lot of connections.

She came back to Adelaide just last year with her son. I saw her at the train station, our train station only has 9 platforms so it was much smaller then most. It was show time and people were getting ready to get on the show train. I saw her walking past as she got off the train and I knew who she the very second.

She was my first female friend and my first kiss.

She still does pot but she doesn't do anything harder. She takes good care of her son and she's still as amazing as ever.

........./

The disappointing bit is where my father and my brother brought to light that they don't believe in gay marriage. My dad doesn't believe in men marrying other men, but he views it from the point of tax. Of course it was a huge blow to hear that he doesn't believe in something that I hold so dear. Something I fight for all the time. My brother doesn't believe in gay marriage at all.

Needless to say that when it came out I was overcome with guilt at who I was. In an attempt to change myself I went home with a guy one night, while I refused to have sex I did end up doing things I regret. I was filled with nothing but contempt with myself and left while he was in the shower.

I still don't know his name....

....../

With the wacky fun that I am known to be prone too.... I went on the Zombie walk with a group of friends.... the funny thing is... I didn't even know I had friends. I spent so much of my time around the former friend that I had neglected to give myself a life outside of her.

I'm going to do what I do best and that in continue. I want a degree, I want to study at university, I want to graduate.

And even though I have seemingly failed at these over the last few years I'm not going to give u. Next year I am going to study at uni. I am going to pass. I am going succeed and I will get my degree.

I got a hair cut today!

Honestly I was a bit scared due to the fact I hadn't had a cut in years. A trim, yes, but a full on cut? 11 years.

I wanted layers because my hair was so thick that it was heavy. But now it's light and soft and... I have a fringe!

I'll put up picture up of the new hair style tomorrow. But I'll post two pictures of my longer hair:







Ok, now for Harry Potter. No real spoilers:

Neville? AWESOME!
Mrs Weasley? AWESOME!
Snape? T_T Amazing
Sirius? Heartbreaking
Draco Malfoy? Hugable
Narcissa Malfoy? Motherly
Lucius Malfoy? Broken
Bellatrix? Awesome and evil.
Remus and Tonks? Depressing.
Ending? Fitting.

Thinking about getting the Deathly Hallows sign as a tattoo on my ankle....

Jessica

I do, I really, really do!

It's called formspring and I have a small group of followers. there's about 50 in all I believe.

I spend about an hour going through all the messages and then another hour reading all the responses to my spam.

Which I do pretty hard. Spam.

A LOT! One night I did 40 questions. People seem to love it though :)

Of course there are strange people who get in there and don't understand what spam means...

My username is Hiddentalent, if anyone has an account and want to have their time destoryed by answering countless questions....

Ok, so there's also this MEME, just post and I'll tell you :)

1. Something random about you.
2. Which color you remind me of.
3. My first memory of you.
4. What random character I associate with you.
5. My favorite thing about you.
6. What fandom I associate with you.
7. Challenge you to post this on your journal.

I hope you're all doing awesome.

Jessica

Harry Potter is coming out next week. this has caused me do to all of the following:

Cry myself to sleep because my childhood is coming to an end.
Buy all the Harry Potter Cakes/Cupcakes/Pancakes
Sit in the car in the rain swishing my wand around and shouting spells.
Hug my books
Dream about Lucius Malfoy (more on that later!)
Sigh.... a lot!
Scream when I see the huge posters appear.

I'll miss you Harry Potter!

Now, the Lucius Malfoy dream I had... I have, in the last two nights, had an odd collection of dreams. I remember reading that a person has around 100 or more dreams a night. These are three of the dreams from the night before, still burned into my mind...

My mum and I went to Elizabeth shopping center to talk about a loan. There one of the customers was angry at the woman serving them and mum helped them out. She was given the job. I fell in love with a guy working in the center and I fell pregnant. He ended up dying :(

NEXT DREAM/CONTINUING DREAM?

So in the second dream, I woke and then fell back asleep :D, I was pregnant with my brother and his boyfriends baby. His boyfriend in my dream is in fact his best friend in real life lol... awkward....

Anyway we were at the center, again, and I was dying for Carvery, Roast pork and veggie bakes and stuff. But they were closed! I was trying to get the to open when we were attacked from the S-Guards! I'm not sure why.... So the three of us, my bro, Shaun and I, ran and hid in City Chic... my favourite store :)

Jason put his hands on my stomach, I was really round, and was so happy.

THIRD DREAM!

I woke up and then thought, 'Nah, I'll go back to bed.' A bunch of us were using the new transport that had just come out. We were racing each other. What this 'new transport' was is in fact just pogo sticks with pillows attached to the front so you could wrap your arms around it.

I arrived at the place I needed too and took a frog from Lucius Malfoy's shed. I'm not telling you the rest of the dream because it's a total mind fuck and I have no idea what really happens..... I pimped the frog out. Really I did!

LAST NIGHT!

Ok this one really got me waking up and thinking, 'what the hell?'

I found out I was four months pregnant. Only the problem was I didn't remember ever having sex, I was sure I had never had sex. I was upset. I crawled under a table only to be confronted my cat vomit.

I told my Dad and my mum who just wanted to know who the father was. I told them, it could only be either Lucius or Draco. Both denied, but it had to be one of them.

Man, my dreams are so weird!

- Comment with "Paper. Scissors. Rock. Spock. Merlin."
- I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
- Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
- Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.



1. When do you plan on going back to university, if ever?

Next year I will be returning. Even though its been rocky I am determined to finish it. Being unable to complete High School left me feeling awful and my dream was to one day be the first in my family to complete Uni. I want to study Culture.

2. What is your favourite hobby?

Cosplaying and writing, reading as well as exploring. Dressing up is something that I love because for a few hours I get to be someone else, even if that someone else just happens to be a pokemon :)

I've written a children's book but I'm not sure if I want to get it published or not. I wrote it for my niece. Reading also goes hand in hand with writing I believe. I like horror romances as well as memoir books.

Exploring is something I do often. Finding new things to do in my city can be a bit hard because we are small. I'm loving the Sunday markets as well as the random events that pop up.

3. I don't know much about your musical preferences. Are there any musicians you like in particular?

Heather Dale. Florence and the Machine. P!ink. Lady Gaga. Rolling Stones. Linkin Park. Personally Heather Dale is by far one of my favourites. I first fell in love with Mordred's Lullaby, followed by Medusa. There's something insanely beautiful about her music.

4. Same question for anime.

I will never forget Inuyasha. It was my entry into the anime world. It was because of my younger brother, Michael, who told me about Japanese animation when I was 16. Naruto, High School of the Dead, MAR, Sailor Moon :), Dragon Ball Z, Black Lagoon, Air Gear, Ghost in the Shell, Ouran Host Club... I also have quite a bit of hentai.

5. What is your favourite food?

Every fortnight my mum and I go shopping, we have a look at make up, put money on layby's and grab a bite to eat. I love roast. My order is always the same. A medium plate of roast pork with crackle, carrots, peas, potato bake, cauliflower bake, roast potato's and gravy. Always with a Boost Juice of King William ^_^

The other foods that top the list is Sushi (SushiTrain) Chinese and Subway.

I hope that gives some insight to who I am I don't seem to talk much about my personal tastes do I? Although I have noticed that my last two posts are something similar to blog posts. I rather enjoy the new writing style as it gives me more of a direction instead of just ranting and raving ^_^

Jessica

Since my last post and my coming out, I've gotten involved and trying to find my way in the GLTB community. One of my issues I've been facing this is I don't fit into stereotypical normals in the community. Of course it is greatly confusing. I'm not girly or butch.... so not butch. I'm not emotional or clingy. There's no need for me to be stereotypical at all, in fact it can be rather degrading to be as such.

Being stereotypical puts us in a box and yet we crave it, ultimately it makes us feel as if we belong. We fit in with the other around us and sometimes we change ourselves to fit in within certain boxes. Some people cut their hair, dye it, self harm, sleeping around. We crave a group of like minded people even if we have to do things we wouldn't otherwise.

It's normal but the question has always been, how far are we willing to go to to fit in the box?

I got invited to my first event. It's called Girl Fest and brings together like minded and yet a complete mix of women. It'll be there most important event for the time being, my coming out, my debutante ball, announcing my life style to the world.

Throw in my anxiety issues and the fact I can barely function when it rears it's ugly head. I become rather uptight and scared and I don't want my beautiful ball becoming something from a horror show. Some beautiful woman comes and we talk and we flirt and maybe we'll even exchange numbers... before my nervous can't take it anymore and I end up vomiting all over her stunning dark purple above the knees with black lace halter neck dress.

And she screams, and cries, and I get kicked out never again invited to the royal ball...

What I'm saying in this entry is, I don't know where I fit in. Maybe it's just me making my way in the New World. I'm the John Smith seeing this land and yet not knowing what's in it. Not knowing if I'll meet Pocahontas on one of the islands.

I don't know, I don't know what I'll see or what strange new people I'll encounter but I feel ready to explore. So someone fetch me my binoculars, my uncharted map, and a wingwoman!

Jessica

I've been coming and going on Live Journal for years. I'll pop in and have a look and pop out. It's what I do.

I've been blessed in my life. I have understanding parents who will love me no matter what, I have my siblings and my talents.

But friends?

Having a friend is being in a relationship. With any relationship you are in it because you get something. They make you feel happy or you enjoy being around them. Even in the bad ones there is something you are getting, not just abuse either. There is something that makes you stay, makes you feel as if that person couldn't be without you.

I don't have many friends. I have one best friend who I speak to often. I trust her more than I could trust another human being. and then I good friends, who I mess around with and love but not quite as much as the best friend.

I have 3 friends. The others? The twins, Sal, people I speak to sweetly and politely? They are 'pals'. People I don't hang around often, but it's a mutual thing.

To the point of this entry I will tell you. Last week I stood in Victoria Square and watched as women with women and men with men married their partners, watched them proclaim their love, recite their vows. I watched from under my pokemon cosplay, Diglett, and I felt proud.

These people stood for more than just homosexuality, they stood for what we all want, what we should all have. They stood for respect and the right to live their lives happily like any other.

And from under my Diglett I saw them coming. Their large signs plastered with the words "GOD HATES" and the sound of their voice calling over a mega phone 'contaminated blood' 'burn in hell' 'turn to God' and the one I hated most, 'God Hates Fags!'

Don't get me wrong. I believe that everyone should be allowed to say how they feel. But when suddenly they pull a woman from her wheelchair and left her on the ground it chills me to the bone. I firmly believe they are not doing God's work.

It was peaceful until that moment they came barging across the road. We took our protest to Parliament House and stood on the steps openly demanding rights. Rights which should not be with held from anyone.

The thing that troubles me the most is that when people think of homosexual's they think of the sex but not the love. When people think of heterosexual relationships they think of holding hands during the sunset or small and stolen kisses, and most painfully- marriage. But not with Gay relationships, they think of sweaty crude thrusting, when everything goes, they think of it as a quick fuck.

I was seen on the news in my cosplay in front of the protesters, my family thought it was funny, I did as well. Under that fabric though was scared and lonely person who hadn't slept in 24hrs, who hadn't eaten in just as long, who was standing between hateful and harmful and wrong words. They sunk into me, reminded me why I hid myself for so many years, why I became boy crazy to please and pretend to be someone I wasn't. To feel normal.

And no one, NO ONE, should ever have to feel like that!

So here it is my dear friends, say what you want because while I had said it a few times I never said it honestly. I always felt ashamed, not because of it but because there are women out there who say it but only do it for attention. Who only it it to seem more attractive and here I am, saying for the first time without feeling stupid or shameful, or God fearing:

I am BI-SEXUAL.

And I like the colour green.

As the title says this post is mainly about my latest obsessions, here are a few of them:

Supernatural:

I can no longer deny my heart pounding love for this show. But after having stopped watching it during season two, it stopped playing on TV. I got pulled back into it once again.

So what pulled me in? You see my userpic? Yup. That is one of the big reasons. Castiel is an Angel sent to help Dean, he pulled Dean out of hell and all that.

And then my interest turned into an obsession when I fell in love with the pairing of Dean and Castiel.



One of my other interests turned obsessions is...

Legend of the Seeker

Now I loved this show when it was on. Needless to say every Sunday night my Dad and I would watch it together, just one of those shows you know?

Well while I was looking on youtube I discovered a pairing that, before I even clicked onto the video, I couldn't help but have a mindgasm.

Cara and Kahlan In one second the whole show was taken apart in my mind and put back together with ever Cara and Kahlan moment taking center stage.

Let's be honest, once someone plants a tiny seed suddenly it starts to grow. Every show I watch after seeing that little video I took more notice of the looks between the two women.

I couldn't help it.




As for Manga I've really gotten into:

Bleach. Yes once again it pulled me back into the world of the unseeable heroes and villans.

Deadmen's Wonderland. This one has kept me up at night reading it. It's about a boy whose highschool friends were murdered by a strange 'Red Man'. However upon waking up from the attack Ganta, the main character, has discovered that he has been charged with murder.

He ends up in an odd prison, where a destoryed Tokyo is the main setting. After discovering one of his childhood friends there Ganta is thrown into a fighting ring because he has a certain 'power'. There he must fight and win, if he doesn't he'll be forced to play the 'Punishment Game'.

Cage of Eden. Fast became one of my favourites. A group of people from all walks of life are stranded after their plane crashed on a strange island where animals thought to have died out many, many, year ago appear.

That's enough for now ^_^


Oh here's a video of Dean that melted me >_< Oh that look at 0.14 made me blush :D




Jessica

P.S I had so much trouble with this post >_< My damn computer!

First I wish to say 'Merry Christmas' To you all. Even though it was a few days ago lol.

Secondly I just got out of Christmas Recovery. The two days AFTER Christmas in which I do nothing but sleep. I walk around in my pj's, but I don't brush my hair or anything really. Just some time to recoperate ^_^

I had a much better Christmas than one of my friends who was staying at her Aunts place, in like the middle of no where. When her Aunt started picking on her and saying that she isn't 'part of the family' and started an argument! (Sal is a foster kid and has been with her foster family for over 15 years and she's 18!)

Her Aunt kicked her out and Sal had almost no money. Thankfully one of her cousins offered her a place to sleep for the night. I'm so glad she's ok now.

Ok now here are some pictures of my day :>

Bambi's first Christmas tree ^_^



Bambi Dressed up as Santa, isn't she cute?















Try to get one picture of me at Christmas and Jason ruins it >_<



I'm in LOVE with these Chocolates! Michael gave them too me!



Drowning in Wrapping paper XD



I'm so glad I got this!!!! I wanted it so badly!



The wine glass I got for mum ^_^



Dad and his wine glass ^_^



The bag I got for Amanda and the hat I got for Michael ^_^





I got these from Jason and Jag. To be honest, not much of a Tiwlight fan. I'm so very much a Jacob fan....




I got his astro star projector for Bambi, but Jag let Bambi hold it and she dropped it and BROKE IT! So I'm getting her a much better one...



Jason with the Dogtags I got him ^_^



My presents from Amanda... Jello shots anyone?







Bambi as Christmas Pudding and a Navy Girl







And finally my mum and her siblings.




This was their first Christmas together in over 20 years!

My Uncle was born with the cord wrapped around his neck and the doctors left my Nana in labor with him for 36 hours. So he suffered some pretty bad damage.

Well I hope you all have a great New Years :D

Jessica

Here's what I got my family for Christmas:

Mum and Dad: I got them two wine glasses with engraved messages on them:

Merry Christmas Mum/Dad
Love you
Jessica
2010

For my sister, Amanda: I got her a new smaller bag because she was complaining about her SUPER HUGE BAG! No kidding I lost my soul in there once.

My older brother, Jason: I got him dog tags with the message:

To Jason
Merry Christmas
Love Jessica
2010

And on the other one tag I got:

There is no
Better friend
Than a brother

For my little brother: I got him a top hat :D He has always wanted one so I figured 'What the Hell?!' And got one for him.

I wasn't getting anything for my sister this year because she's been rather cruel. She has driven my mother to depression and gone on holiday for almost 7 week... at one time!!!!

So I got her a cheap gift. It's not worth much, only $8 (the bag).

Amanda got everyone spreads for Christmas, peanut butter, vegemite, me some chips. That's all!

On another note, I was hoping to have a family christmas this year.

Last year a friend of the family invited himself over. He spent the whole night bitching about his wife because she spent Christmas with her cousins and he didn't want too.

Hopefully next year will be far better. :>

I hope you are all doing well, and have an amazing Christmas.

Jessica